What a summer! I initially intended to write to you all once a month, and now it’s basically September October. I spent quite a bit of time feeling like I failed this project I’d barely started and was at a point pretty excited about, and then, for all intents and purposes, I just stopped saying that to myself. It sounds effortless when I give the TLDR, but it’s taken years of therapy and behind the scenes work for that sentiment to even feel accessible, never mind accurate.
It doesn’t stop there - this summer was fast paced, jumping from PT & patient/client-facing work, to work travel, to fun travel, to hiding away in my apartment. I realized quite recently that I have managed to get far “busier” than I ever intended/wanted to be. Expectations very out of line with reality while also being very accurate to my track record. Slowing down is immensely challenging for me, something I have been trying to do (progress isn’t all linear!!) and also my biggest priority.
I noticed when I started to slow down, deeper feelings were more accessible to me - the ones we welcome (pleasure, joy, desire, contentedness) and the ones we categorize as more vibe killers (burn out, depression, whole new spicy anxiety flavors). I have a better sense of exactly how much I struggle to practice what I preach - I very recently just listened to the Come As You Are audiobook for the first time - a 101 staple for sex educators - in it’s entirety (more in links) entirely just for me. Not to help me teach other people, or write a workshop, or find that quote to help describe XYZ arousal response - which is how I’ve historically approached the book, but so that I could try to internalize the messages for myself. It was hard! It was transformative! I learned a lot that I may share in the future, and plenty I will not be sharing. It feels radical to have taken the time to learn something that’s just for me, not for others, or to be offered as a service/product/way to make myself feel useful. I can’t tell you the last time I did that. I don’t want to set up my life to have instances like that feel radical or novel.
I feel like I’m in the cocoon stage where I’m a pile of indiscernible, vulnerable, mush. Being more in tune with myself makes the hard times harder, but the nice times that much nicer.
Things I’ve been into:
I’ve been trying to read both the new and improved and more classic vulva/vagina/clit centered books lately - I’ve become more aware of how much I’ve historically rolled my eyes at/avoided them largely because most options land in the well worn narrative of “girl power! put on your pink pussy hats!! men are stupid! this is for straight cisgender women because we don’t know how to talk about anyone else!” Most of these I’d previously read parts of or flipped through to get the gist of but it was time for a deeper dive.
Some I expected to be good and it lived up to the hype (as you guessed - Come As You Are), some I expected to be just ok and it was actually really great (Vagina Obscura), one I expected to be pretty meh but it surprised me by being better than men (Becoming Cliterate), and one I had mid-tier expectations for and they were largely/almost met - (The Vagina Bible was really just ok). I’ll keep you updated on how the others rank.
Last year a fellow leatherdyke turned me onto Storygraph - a free BIPOC founded app to help recommend new reads and organize your book lists! It’s a great alternative to goodreads if you want an amazon-free option. The little graphs are my favorite part. I love progress tracking in these containers. I really am not sponsored by anything.
“What if you were writing a profile on someone named Janet and I was your editor, and I was like, ‘I’m sorry, for balance, find someone who wants to kill Janet’?”
The above quote is from a really great You’re Wrong About podcast episode We Need to Talk About the New York Times with Tuck Woodstock which is an excellent resource for anyone who isn’t quite understanding the damage that the NYT reporting on trans health/trans existence is doing to trans people and their access to care, or for folks who do get it but aren’t sure how to talk about it with people who may not quite get it.
I’ve also been into this app a friend showed me called How We Feel which is a sweet little emotion tracker that lets you pick words out of a fun visual and gives you tips and reminders on how to hang out with your emotions and not judge them. No one really teaches you this unless you’re in therapy!! Shout out to my therapist!!
I have a few openings for pelvic health patients (if you think we’d be a good fit and cost is a barrier lmk!)
I am taking 1:1 coaching clients - think intersections of pelvic health, sexual health, & kink - email me at alex.papalePT@gmail.com for more info (mostly because I just don’t have a website yet and thats ok!!)
If you think I’d be a good fit for a class, workshop, or speaking engagement at your place of work, school, etc., also reach out! In the near future I’m teaching a workshop on sex-positive pelvic health and when to refer for a local university’s student health services, and will be a panelist on AASECT’s Virtual Institute on Pelvic Health.
Thank you for joining me.